Which Bon Jovi Are You?

Answer these easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy ten questions we thoroughly prepared for you and find out the inevitable. But first, brace yourself, because you’re about to set out on a journey consisting of some preeeetty strange stuff (read: Disheveled Simba). Also, if you tell us you never really thought about this life-or-death question, shame on you and your lying filthy mouth.

Okay, so all you need is:
A) a blank piece of paper, a memo or a device on which you can jot your answers down (because we're old school)
B) an elephant memory that can memorize letters of ten answers which you will count later in your head

Hint: most circled letter answer is going to reveal your destiny

With that in mind, we can proceed.


QUIZZZ: Which Bon Jovi Are You?

1. What Bon Jovi song is your anthem?

a. I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead
b. Each One Of Bon Jovi's Songs Is An Anthem 
c. One Wild Night

2. Choose the most out-of-this-world Bon Jovi look:

a. The Disheveled Simba Look

b. The Best Prom Picture Look Sponsored by Colgate

c. The Oldie But Goldie Look

3. Choose the most logical option:

a. Jon Bon Jovi
b. Bon Bon Johnny
c. JoJo Mojo Bono-from-U2 Bowie

4. Choose your favorite BJ doppleganger:

a. that Always guy that burns down the entire building to the ground and videos explicit content… what a cutie pie

b. the Mmmmbop guy in the top right corner

c. the one and only… KIM WILDE

5. What’s your favorite Bon Jovi’s gig?
a. ‘83 BJ’s basement
b. ‘94 Detroit
c. 2003 tour 

6. What is your favorite thing about Bon Jovi?

a. His labelo-covered lips that shine more than Edward Cullen
b. His drop-dead gorgeous incisors
c. It’s easy. His asss...ymetrical face features

7. Choose the best Bon Jovi tattoo.If you dare.

a. the I-was-too-drunk-or-illiterate-to-notice one

b. the asymmetrical-and-cringy one

c. the obvious-choice-heart-with-wings-and-king-arthur's-sword/cross one

8. Which BJ’s song lyrics are most likely to appear on your bedroom wall?

a. Once upon a time, not so long ago
b. And I got all the symptoms, count ‘em one, two, three
c. I’ll be there forever and a day (which translates to always)

9. What’s your favorite BJ’s stage pose?

a. In-a-middle-of-Capoeira pose

b. In-a-middle-of-picking-apples-exercise pose

c. Just a run-of-the-mill winking pose, nothin' too special

10. And last but not the least... what (in)famous quote are you?

a. What are you looking at, sugar-tits? by Mel Gibson
b. I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman by Arnold Schwarzenegger
c. People all over the world recognize me as a spiritual leader by Steven Seagal

Most A answers : Early 80’s BJ 

You feel young, wild and free. You don't a have a single gray hair, there’s a million things you want to do, million women (and quite a few men) just waiting to scream your name although they don’t even know it yet. But most importantly, there’s nothing standing in the way of your dreams. You are one hell of a Bon Jovi and if someone tries to tell you that you suck you will punch him right in the face. Including yourself. 

Most B answers: Middle 90s BJ 

You found yourself on the crossroads. It seems that everything is working out for you, but does it really? I mean, it is great. A gig every night. Every person in this world knows of you. Every girls wets her panties at the mere mention of your name. But there is still so much questions unanswered. Like that ‘94 Detroit concert. Everyone says you were great while performing You Give Love A Bad Name in a duet with a quirky dolphin, but all you can remember is a big black nothing. Except that you took some oxy before going on stage, but that’s totally irrelevant now.

Most C answers: Mature BJ 

You made all of your dreams come true and realized something of an utmost importance including a) grey hair isn't a myth and b) all this time you actually wanted to live in Italy and make love to your wife every single night (showing her what those rock veteran fingers that rocked on a guitar for years can do), while drinking that DIY homemade ripe wine that was actually made of the most blonde strands of your hair that your wife used to pick up from the smooth and silky pillowcase some twenty years ago.

Full Disclosure: Everyone knows that Bon Jovi doesn’t abide to any rules, the rules abide to him. So, choose your own Bon Giovi for God’s sake. Make him proud.

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Which Bon Jovi Are You? Which Bon Jovi Are You? Reviewed by jane'sworld007 on September 02, 2019 Rating: 5
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